i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
