I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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