I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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