It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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