So drunk its hurt
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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