so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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