How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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