What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize