love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize