onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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