I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
