we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
