I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He passed out mid-signature
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
