Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
