Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
