Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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