you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
