A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's JV to your varsity
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
