I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
