he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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