I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
