shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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