you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
