He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
