***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Four minutes until I can fart!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
