I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i permit you to call me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
