i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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