I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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