he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
