I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We just shotgunned beers for America
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
