I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
