If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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