..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
