i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
