True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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