I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
