He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
