Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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