so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
