she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
