i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
