He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
