therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
