quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
