So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
