I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
