i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
