he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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