you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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