i think i have two assholes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
