i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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