butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
