Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
