Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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