Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
