Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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