hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
