she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
