community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
