is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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