Moan for me like Helen Keller
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize