Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize