I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we're making bets on your personal life
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
