so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
