Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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