Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
